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Here is an amusing post. I found this posted on Wealthy Affiliate Forum by Jay, however it seems to be an original post from Super Affiliate Mindset blog. Enjoy!

1.Don’t stick with one affiliate marketing strategy for very long. Once you’ve tried something for a month with no results try something else. Keep jumping around constantly : SEO, PPC, facebook, article marketing, etc.
2.Check your sales stats every 5 minutes, and be sure to agonize about it. If this doesn’t COMPLETELY distract you and suck up all your emotional energy, then get one of those tool bars or alert programs that shows you or beeps every time you have a sale.
3.Bid on the most obvious and competitive keywords in your market, then spend 75% of your day checking your ad position for your main one or two keywords vs your competitors.
4.Take that last tip to the next level - constantly check if someone is ripping of your website by continually checking the Google search results for those one or 2 keywords your making sales on. If you find someone copying your site, make a federal case out of it, contact Google, your affiliate manager, and everyone you know to complain about it. Be sure to get REALLY emotional about it.
5. Here’s a big one : spend 80% of your time bitching and complaining on affiliate forums. If you’re at a loss for ideas, here some popular things to bitch about : Google slaps, why your stats are not showing a sale for the last 2 hours, my favorite : how you think the affiliate network your working with is secretly stealing sales from you. Recommend forum : WickedFire.com
6.When you’re REALLY out of things to bitch about on forums start making personal attacks against big name affiliates in the industry. If you’re not sure which affiliates to shamelessly attack, here’s some popular targets : myself, Shoemoney, John Chow.
7.Do ZERO market research before launching an affiliate offer, just pick out something that looks good and start promoting it.
8.Spend all your time buying expensive information products and ebooks on how to do affiliate marketing. Go through these products and learn everything you can, then sit on your butt. Whatever you do DON’T take immediate action on what you’ve learned. Keep waiting for the right time to get started.
9.Have the firm belief that they only reason super affiliates are making big money is because they have some special backdoor deal with merchants, or because they have AMAZING account history so they can buy keywords for 0.20/click that would cost you $1/click.
10.Anytime there’s a slight discrepancy between your Google conversion tracking and your actually affiliate sales - let’s say conversion tracking show more sales - make a federal case out of it. Contact your affiliate manager and Google, absolutely demand you get credit for those 2 sales you “lost”. Make sure to spend several hours (minimum) REALLY agonizing about this, and how the world just isn’t fair.